OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
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He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
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Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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