Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
