Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
