i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
