How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
