I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
