Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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