You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
