Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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