Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize