Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
