dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
