I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
His nipple licking is glorious
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