If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
