Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
