Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
