some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
