so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
