I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
