The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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