Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
