If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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