omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
