I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
