Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
