Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
