I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
