Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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