S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
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I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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