you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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