Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
