I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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