Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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