M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
