we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
