I want to stick my p in your. b.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What drink are we having for lunch?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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