good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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