That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
