If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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