"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
