Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
