now i know why i became what i already was.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
