...so i touched it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
