Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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