I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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