Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize