is your mom at the bar?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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