get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
