I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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