You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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