Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
