This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
