"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
