I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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