Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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