True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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