The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
