there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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