You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
